Simple Joys At Home

Thursday, June 15th, 2017, I spent the day driving the ten hour stretch back home from Nashville Tennessee, where I'd been living for the previous nine weeks. I was a mess. Physically and emotionally exhausted. My time as a nanny in Tennessee had ended - by my choice - three months earlier than originally planned. I didn't know what came next. I'd left my job when I moved there, and now I was back at square one - or so it seemed, with no job, and no idea what to do with my life, or what direction to turn. I hardly dared think of the future, because it was enough to live one day at a time. To think beyond that was overwhelming. I'd previously dealt with depression, but here I was, battling it again, under different circumstances, and I didn't know what to do with it. Coming home, though a hard decision to face, was the right choice, and I'm so grateful for how all the details and the timing worked out so perfectly in that. The next few months were hard. So ma...

It's been a long time, y'all. I just looked, and the last time I actually posted anything was back in October. As in, six months ago. Needless to say, a lot has happened since then. Most recently, I moved to a different state. Tennessee, to be exact. Let me rewind. Back in December, a friend and neighbor of mine told me about a family she knew, that needed some help. Specifically, someone to come live with them for several months, and help care for their eight children, while the mom underwent treatment for a brain tumor. This friend thought that I might be a good fit. I politely told her that I'd think about it, and went along my merry way. I wasn't really interested. But I couldn't stop thinking about this family. This family that I had never met, and knew basically nothing about. I told my parents about this family, expecting that they would be completely against the idea of me going to live with people that we didn't know. I figured that their di...

This is another one of those, like the " Things They Said " post, that I've just been keeping in a note on my phone all year, of little moments that are, well, awkward, or awesome. Sometimes both, because I do awkward really, really well. Awkward: Walking into a store, and seeing someone you sorta-kinda-halfway know, and accidentally making eye contact before you realize what you're doing. Then, you both just ignore each other, and pretend it never happened. Hearing two people discussing the proper way to pronounce your name: "Ruh-bek-uh" vs. "Ree-bek-uh" When the guy doing housekeeping at your hotel asks why you don't have any kids... Getting done with a big grocery shopping late enough that only the self check registers are still open...and having so much trouble with the register, that checking out takes about as long as the actual shopping did. Messing up near the end and making it where you have to re-scan half the items, doesn't hel...

October. It's infant loss awareness month. And today, October 15th specifically, is infant loss awareness day. It's a good day, because for so many, the loss of a baby is a silent pain, one that isn't talked about. In having a day like this, however sad it is, we can maybe allow others into our circle of grief, and at the same time, comfort them in theirs.  For us, October is a month that we should have a birthday, but we don't.  You see, we should be celebrating a first birthday this October.  But we're not.  And furthermore, if we were celebrating that first birthday, we wouldn't have our Mercy girl. Mercy Grace, we joke, since her middle name, Anna, means Grace.  It's strange, this loss. We can't imagine life without her, but in order to have the lives we grieve, we couldn't have her. It's one or the other.  If we had Baby J, who would be one this month, we couldn't have Mercy. And likewise, if we had had Baby A, who would've...

When I got off of Facebook the end of last year, I started keeping a record of some of the cute and hilarious things my siblings (and other small children) said, so I could share them here, since that was one thing several people said they'd miss seeing me post. I had every intention of posting various installments on here, perhaps every month or two, with all these entertaining snippets. I very dutifully kept this list up...for the first four months of the year. After that, I simply forgot to keep keeping track. That list lived quite nicely, and mostly forgotten, on my phone. Until today. So without further ado... Sibling: "The thing with winter is that it's supposed to be nice holidays and everything, but everybody wears dark colors, like they're going to a funeral. " Esther, turning in circles: "I feel like I'm spinning in a tornado..." One sibling to another: "You're just a fragment of my imagination." Joshua, getting up off the ...

If you've been around for long, you probably know about the baby our family lost in March of last year, the second baby in a row. That loss was a difficult journey , but in many ways it opened my eyes to how widespread miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant loss is. So many people around us have suffered this lost, and nearly everyone, if not every single person you'll come in contact with in your lifetime, has been impacted by the loss of a baby, whether their own or someone else's. It's not often something that you hear about though, and that's sad to me, because there's so much pain surrounding these losses, and so many could be helped in healing by hearing of others' journeys. Shortly after those two losses in our family, I came up with a way to honor and remember those babies, as well as some of the babies lost to friends and family around us. Enter what I'm calling "The Baby Project". It's a whole new product line in my Etsy shop...

I wonder if I'm the only one that finds it a bit ironic that blogging more often was on my list of goals for the year , and here we are arrived in May, with this being only my second post this year. In my defense though, life has been way crazier than even I imagined. It has a way of doing that, you know? It still kinda surprises me when I think of it being May already - I mean, it still feels like it should be the beginning of the year. I thought I'd give y'all a little recap of what life's been like... In the middle of January, my parents went to Nevada for a week - Daddy was going on a business trip, and Mom was able to go along. That left me at home in Texas with all 8 younger siblings. Quite doable, but that Sunday while they were gone, I made sure to get everyone to church on time for Sunday School, so that they could be in someone else's care for that 45 minutes. On the 21st, I met up with my parents in the airport, had a few minutes with Mom, and then trav...

I'm not super into New Years resolutions. It's not that I have anything against them, so much as I have trouble keeping them. The last several years I simply haven't made any fancy resolutions. My track record wasn't all the great with keeping them, so why bother? As far as I can remember, there's only ever been one New Years resolution that I've kept. I was 11, and I wanted to stop chewing my fingernails. So I did. And, I still to this day am very grateful I did - had I not conquered that habit then, I'd probably still be chewing my fingernails now - 8 years later. But, after a couple year break, I'm ready to try this whole New Years resolution thing again. Or, maybe better described not as resolutions, but decisions, or goals, for this new year. So here they are, in no particular order:  1. I deactivated my Facebook account. It had become a huge time consumer in my life, and I knew it was time for a change. I don't know how long (if ever) i...

It's seems to be that many people are pretty clueless when it comes to what my life is like. There are all sorts of comments and assumptions made that clearly indicate how much people have no idea what it's like to be the oldest of a big family. In their defense, it is rather an oddity, having this many younger siblings. With my ninth little sibling due in April, there are very few families that I even know of bigger than my own. And only one of those families do I even know well enough to know all their names. We're few and far between. The lives of the firstborns (or even the second and third borns) in these families are shrouded in mystery. Not because we're trying to hide anything, but because we have very unique and rare positions. So, here it is, from my point of view. 1. People ask you what it's like to be the oldest. The answer to that one is tricky - quite likely, we don't remember what it's like NOT being the oldest, because our first s...

It started as a small idea, late last year. An aunt told me about her experience using a doula with one of her births, and how it had been such a wonderful thing. I was intrigued by the concept, as I've long been interested in midwifery, but was not fully comfortable with all that was entailed in that. Naturally, becoming a doula was an idea that entered my mind - one that greatly appealed. I researched, and I researched, and I researched some more. The idea became a plan. I read articles, and listened to podcasts. I dug for knowledge, more useful things to put my plan into action. I pinned to my doula board on Pinterest, trying to be as best prepared as I possibly could be. When I graduated earlier this year and the "What next?" Question came, I was ready for it. All the details weren't kinked out, and while I didn't know quite when I could put this wonderful plan into action, I had my idealistic time frame. "This Fall, or maybe the beginning of th...

Five years ago today, we finished packing up all our belongings, said goodbye to the last few friends, gave tearful hugs to the remaining family members, and loaded up in the van for our drive back to Texas. Five years before, we had done nearly the opposite - packed up all our belongings and moved to Washington. It wasn't an easy thing, that first big move. I didn't want to go. Yes, there was the excitement and adventure of moving, and the newness that appealed to me at eight years old. But there was also the ache. Up until that point, I had lived in Texas my entire life. I didn't know any different, and I didn't want to leave the people I loved and the place I knew. I remember crying a lot, but being super excited at the same time. The first few years after we moved were not easy ones. We lived in a travel trailer for the first two years, moving around based on where Daddy's work was. We didn't have a consistent church for the first year or so, instead...

Dear Daddy, Happy Father's Day.  It's very different to say that this year, than in past years, because over the course of the last few months, I have seen you in a completely different light than I ever saw you before.  I have seen you rise up to be a mighty man of God, realizing the task and responsibility that He has given you in guiding your family.  I've seen you walk in complete humility before those around you, because that was what He has called you to.  I've seen your tenderness and your pain as we walked through some of the hardest moments . You've been there, loving, and caring, and simply holding us.  I've seen you rise up and lead your family.  You've modeled to me what true humility looks like, begging forgiveness of those that you've hurt. And you've extended that same forgiveness to me, that you asked of me. You've been gentle when you needed to be gentle, and you've been bold, with gentleness, w...

This day, Friday, May 29th, 2015, holds a lot of significance for our family.  Two months ago today, we lost the littlest member of our family .  Four years ago today, my aunt died in a tragic car accident.  And seventeen years ago today, my oldest brother, the one who made me a big sister, was born.  This week is unarguably one of the busiest weeks in the year for us. With four birthdays in the space of six days, this week is known as "birthday week" to us. In some ways, it's like Christmas broken up and spaced out over those six days. The rush and busyness, the last minute treat-making, the hurriedly wrapping gifts, and the celebrating.  But in all the busyness, there is grief and reflections.  Losing a sibling was/is undoubtedly one of the hardest things I've walked through . I never even met her, and yet the ache is so deep. I don't understand the why.  "Why?" Was brought up a few weeks ago, when we released balloons ...

You know that I hurt, that I'm grieving. But it's awkward for you. I get that. Maybe you haven't been there, or maybe you were to young to understand or remember.  You find yourself in an awkward position - you want to be a comfort, but you don't know what to do or say. I know. We've all had our turn being there, not knowing what to do or say, how to respond. Maybe you stay away, because you don't know if you would be welcome, or even if you were, what you would say. Maybe you reach out, because you have been there, and you know . Maybe you're forced into being there and you offer the best words of comfort that you know how, but it's still awkward, uncomfortable. But here's the thing - there are no perfect words. Sometimes there are no words at all.  When death crosses your path, nothing else anyone can say or do will heal your broken heart. And that's okay. Yes, there are some things that comfort, and some things that sti...

I wrote this post last night, and the grief was deep. Today, right now, it is easier, for the moment. But I know that it won't always be so. Three weeks ago today, I lost my youngest sibling. Miscarried, at just nine weeks. It was a grief far greater than I could've imagined. I ached so much.  Not for this baby's sake, because I knew that he or she was (is) in heaven with God, which is by far the greatest place to be, but I ache for me, for my other siblings, for our parents. There were (are) so many hurts. It hurts that I never had the chance to meet this sibling, the opportunity to cuddle and rock it as a newborn, the gift of watching it grow up.  So many things I never had the chance to experience with this baby. I thought I was doing better, that I was moving on. It still hurt, yes, but not the raw grief like at the beginning. But raw grief comes again. I have yet to be able to talk to anyone other than my family about t...

When I was little, my mom made me write letters. Lots of letters. All. The. Time.  Or so it felt.  I wrote letters to my grandmothers, and my aunts. I wrote letters to my friends, and my great grandparents. I even wrote letters to one of my great uncles for awhile.  And I hated it with a passion.  I hated coming up with things to say. I hated having to copy everything out in my best handwriting.  I hated every part of writing.  Except the receiving letters back part. That was fun. Then came the time when I had to go through a writing book for school. Like a learn-how-to-write writing book. It was torture.  It was difficult. And boring. I cried over that book a lot. My poor mother thought that she had ruined me, and that I would forever hate anything to do with writing.  I thought I would forever hate writing, too.  When I was 13, I wanted to get a Facebook account.   No surprise there ....

Nearly two years ago, I opened an Etsy shop, selling my crocheted items . A few months back, my brother Caleb decided to open his own Etsy shop as well. He's making super neat paracord belts and bracelets, that make a great addition to any survival pack. The paracord (short for parachute cord , and also called  550 cord ) he uses is super strong, and a single strand can hold up to 550 pounds.  Are you interested in building your stock of survival supplies?  You can visit his shop, Survivor Paracord , here , but be sure to check back for more items in the future as well, as he already has all sorts of ideas for further expansion.

"Thank you Mommy, you're my friend!" The little girl's request had been granted, and she was elated. She reached for a hug before going to play, but her mothers' words stopped her as she pulled back from the quick embrace. "No, I'm not your friend, just your mommy." was her almost sharp reply. The words sent a pang to my heart. Why was it that this mother felt she and her young daughter could not be friends? My mama and I have long been friends - since I was able to converse.  Of course, that that relationship has changed ever the years. It's blossomed and bloomed into a close-knit friendship, very different than when I was three, or even thirteen.  We are dear and close friends. Some may scoff that such a thing is even possible, while others are relieved that their child keeps his or her distance. Who wants to spend time with someone that wild and unruly anyway? Still others, long for that, but don't know how to f...

  "There is a lad here, which hath   five barley loaves, and two small fishes:  but what are they among so many?"              John 6:9 There were thousands of people to be fed, and only a  small  amount of  food  to feed them with. Andrew's question was a valid one. How would they feed so many? We all know the story. Jesus blessed the  small  amount they had, and fed the crowd. There was enough. And when everyone had eaten,  there  were even leftovers. Don't we too, at times, have the same question as Andrew did? How will this little bit, this small thing, make a difference? The truth is,  that  we will never know what difference something will make, until we do it.  Even then, there are times that we won't know. Sometimes we do things, or have  promptings  to do things, that we can't see how they would make a difference. S...

So, I was compiling a list of some of our favorite THM recipes for some friends of ours, and since I went through all the work of doing it (which I enjoyed) I thought I'd share it with y'all too. So, here goes, in case you wanted to know everything that we ever eat, and then some. *Note: All the foods with page numbers beside them are from the Trim Healthy Mama book , and can be found on that page number in the book. So, one thing that we eat about once a week, that there isn't actually a recipe for (at least that I recall coming across.) Naked Burritos. We eat this so often that once Leah asked if we could have burritos with clothes on them. Basically, we cook up a big pot of rice, and a big pot of black beans. We also marinade a bunch (as in, however much your family would eat) of meat (chicken breasts or a beef roast) n Italian salad dressing. We normally at that point cut it up, and cook it an electric skillet. Traditionally, it would be grilled, but o...